I woke in the night as I often do, as I auto write as I’ve done for a while now. Thoughts and ideas just appear on paper once I begin. It was like a little movie replay for me this time and I wondered why? Then the light bulb came on - March 8.
In 1999 my life changed drastically. It was Friday and had been to the doctor with yet another lump and they usually drained off the fluid and home I went. I had what is called Fibrocystic breasts and they really never caused much problem as they are cysts. He sent me to a specialist as they could not drain my new lump.
So Monday, March 8 I received a phone call to come back to clinic the same day! Off I went to meet the second doctor wondering what was going on.
My journey began that morning. I could see the doctor and the nurse were visibly concerned and were expecting the worse from me I guess. In a very quiet voice the doctor stated. "Carol you have breast cancer". I sat there kind of frozen in time but said nothing. Then I asked - "how bad is it?" The doctor said it was Stage 3 advanced and a tear rolled down his cheek. I’ll never forget this scene and I felt so bad for this man who likely new my chances may not be all that great.
My reaction of course is typically Carol - "well Doc that’s not too bad out of 10".
He sadly looked at me and said, Carol there are only 4 stages of cancer.
My answer, well I see 3.5 out of 10 in my world. If a cat can have 9 lives then I can have 10. And, who made that stupid rule about cancer anyway?
Off I went to the first cancer clinic which didn’t last very long. I sat for over two hours with my Mom and they kept calling numbers and people would get up and go, so I went to reception and asked why I had waited so long only to find out they had been calling my number, but of course I was waiting for them to call my name. Not a good start. Next I was put in a small room and again the “wait” and finally a young boy came in announcing that the doctor was busy and he was a student and was going to do the exam. OK I was already a train wreck at this point so I left. I simply walked out and went home. I had become a Number and after two plus hours they reassured me by sending a student to deal with me. Don’t get me wrong I have great respect for anyone becoming a doctor, but it was the state-of-mind I was in and the panic that brought on my reaction.
Long story short I went home called my doctor and told him I wanted to go to Kingston for my treatments, not Ottawa and I ask to see a specific doctor as well. He made it happen but was not pleased with me.
So the journey of treatments began in April and lasted until December 24th.
I was given choices and as of today I made the correct one. I took the higher/more aggressive choice and yes it damned near killed me but I got through it all, including radiation with extra shots!
Yes, I lost all my hair. I felt so very alone during this time except for my Mother and my cousin who lived up the street and her husband. I was walked out on by a new boyfriend I had met just before Christmas and by April he left just before my first treatment.
Of course my old pal Max was beside me every day and both my grown children visited as they lived out of town. My Mom bought me two long haired goats and she soon claimed one as they both needed much attention. At times that empty feeling drifts into my memory, but life did not stay empty for long. It's part of the process.
I was very lucky to grow up with the word Believe most of my life doings. I have a wonderful way of seeing things differently than most people.
It was scary to say the least and I lost friends as some thought they may “catch” it if they were around me. Another, didn’t like the fact that I smoked marijanna to keep from being sick (which the doctor OK’d) so one little lady stood by me every trip even with her own illness and drove me to and from appointments till the end.
The reason for this blog is letting you all know that Cancer can be beaten, no matter what some say. The biggest lesson I learned from that journey was that lifestyle and stress can kill you. Not eating properly can kill you. And most of all Mindset can get you through almost anything that life throws at you.
It’s not easy changing the thoughts on the inside. By no means is this a walk in the park and you don’t wake up the next morning a new person. Nope.
So if this helps any one of you in any way, just remember all life can be a challenge and I will write more about that in another post.
You have to Believe things can be different, that you are feeling better than you actually are, that you have already beaten this horrible dis-ease and that you can carry on a normal life.
I now enjoy my work so much, often helping clients with major issues.
The way we choose to think about things each and every day and why we need crutches to get us through a day is just that - a crutch.
I run a 5 week program called I CAN AND I WILL at the St Thomas clinic. These sessions include coaching, an energy healing session and of course the mindset that got me through my journey. Distance Program is also available for those who are not nearby.
If you or someone you know is going through a difficult time, get in touch with me and we will talk.
Make each day special in some little way. The sun always comes up on the road to recovery.
My Blog is about my every day life and also about life in general. You may also see a post about my rescue fur kids. This is a place for you to get to know me. Enjoy!